ALL THE FEELS

“We come from a bloodline of drama. We gotta heal.” J Cole- “Middle Child” - This quote hit hard for me today.

6 June 2020

“We come from a bloodline of drama. We gotta heal.” J Cole- “Middle Child” - This quote hit hard for me today.

Powerless, exhausted, somewhat defeated, emotionally-drained, furious, broken-hearted...

I never thought that my first blog post would be about the injustices of my people, my black people, but MY GOD! I am drained from last week. In just one week, we went from stressing over the COVID-19 pandemic to fearing for our lives, because of the color of our skin, AGAIN. Ego. It has been ruining mankind for over 400 years. I’m sick and tired of the ego trip that the insecure human with no morals provides. The state of our country is by far the worse I’ve seen in my lifetime. It hurts so badly to see more police brutality towards my black and brown brothers and sisters. My heart is filled with fury for the wretched cowardice soul who believes that he is superior to the black lives that he continues to destroy. Or maybe he believes he is inferior. It is the most disgusting thing in the world to me. For centuries, my people have been beaten, bruised, stolen from, exploited, murdered, and broken. It’s exhausting. My prayer to God has been to protect us and end this hell on earth. As a young black woman with an auto immune disease, taking care of aging parents, trying to navigate my own setbacks and shortcomings... this is a lot. I have texted my male friends more often to say “Be safe. I love you.” 2020 is a history book in itself. We are 6 months in guys; how absurd is that? This morning I cried extremely hard. One of my girlfriends from Ohio sent me a message: “I love you and miss you. Please stay safe! ♥️” I was so happy to hear from her as my heart melted that she thought of me! On the other hand, my heart broke a million ways that we have come to this. To my white friends, it saddens me that I even have to acknowledge you this way but it needs to be said, seen, and digested. I see you. I love you for standing up on our behalf. I know that the racism isn’t running through your veins. When we share moments, I see no color. Beautiful souls, you are. I’m grateful for your love and support. You will always have a friend in me.

To survive in society, one must keep up with current events going on. However; in a time like this as an African American, it is also important to disconnect from the chaos of the world. It’s the only way to stay somewhat sane.

As I watch the news of peaceful protests turned “violent riots”, I wonder if we are still going hard for George Floyd and the countless others who have lost their lives? Are we fighting for the same causes or are we just trying to tear shit up at this point? There are black owned businesses, small businesses who may never recover as a result of the destruction. Are we thinking about that? While I do understand that the oppressor has used violence and rioting for centuries to get what they want; is that truly our answer to get what we want right now? Let’s talk about our dollars, let’s talk about our children to whom we send to PWI’s instead of our illustrious black institutions. Understand that WITHOUT US THERE IS NO AMERICA, only AmeriKKKA. Our ancestors built this country, we fund this country everyday with the money that we spend, and our culture will forever be perpetrated. America needs us, although some Americans seem to hate us substantially. In my opinion, protests and riots only go so far. I believe it’s time to redirect our anger, talent, and power to the very thing that makes white men risk it all: their money. It is time to reconcile our place in this country. It’s no small feat but we have to be mentally strong for this. Let’s begin the conversation immediately followed by real work.

Social media is a powerful tool for spreading information. I’ve seen a lot of outraged posts because someone has chosen not to speak up on instagram, Facebook, etc. This has been a very traumatic year for many of us. It’s exhausting to get on Instagram and fathom words to make others comfortable with my ideas and opinions. If you really want to know someone’s opinion on the matters at hand, give them a call. Pay them a visit. We have totally gotten away from true human connections. We hide behind social media and judge others for not using it as a life tool. Now is not the time to blast your social community for not posting. We are all outraged. This has to end. As a community, we will win.

Racial tensions are blisteringly high and it is understandable. But what I WILL not tolerate it from other individuals is blatant disrespect because I wear a pro black shirt. Get over yourself and recognize that your distaste for my self expression is a YOU problem. If your kind didn’t kill my kind, I wouldn’t be wearing it.

Leaving you and me with food for thought. As I wrote this post, I went through many emotions that you will feel through my words. What is my hope for this post? That you will gain a new perspective, based on my words and feelings. We all deserve to have open and honest dialogue about our country.

Style for style,

Dommi Raye

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