15 August 2020
Let’s talk relationships! Over the years it has become one of my favorite things to examine. The two main reasons being that it is extremely important for survival and I simply find the human brain so incredibly interesting. From childhood we’re introduced to relationships through our parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, neighbors, or lack thereof. Once you hit teenage years you begin to see a glimpse of why maintaining healthy relationships is so important. By adulthood, if you haven’t mastered this concept, you may feel lost in the sauce lol. It’s a constant, time consuming thing but it’s absolutely worth it in the end. I used to want to be the girl with many friends. I thought it was the equivalent to love, being likable, and truly having it all. I now cherish the close intimate group of friends that I possess. What defines a good relationship to you? What defines true friendship to you? Is it being able to go to all of the hottest brunch spots with your girls? Posting Instagram pics that the whole team is still there? Or is it being able to call your friend to pray over your family, health and business? We live in a society that constantly runs from reality. Everything is for the gram; it’s a very draining culture. True friendship is based on mutual respect, admiration, and gratitude for one another. It is a complex process and experience. I view friendship as the act of mutual interest in the experience and thoughts of another. Friendship provides a sense of belonging; my close friends are family to me. According to Aristotle, there are three types of friendships: friendship of utility, friendship of pleasure, and perfect friendship. Friendship of utility is focused around what one can do for the other party. In a friendship of pleasure, one person takes advantage of the other. They are only in it to gain pleasure from someone. The perfect friendship is what we all ultimately long to have. In this friendship, each party genuinely wishes good for the other. Both parties have to be intentional in their relation. It isn’t one-sided, self absorbed, back stabbing, or fake. Strong friendships are a critical aspect of most people’s well being. I have closed a lot of friendships and gained/strengthened great ones. Communication is one of the most important foundations of a friendship. Many relationships end due to lack of communication from one or both parties. I adore the person who is comfortable enough with self to sit and talk. Those who’d rather run to others and discuss issues between the two of you is so high school lol! Stop it. One thing that has kept my mind is to understand that we are all experiences to each other. When you think about it, life is a human experience of energy: positive and negative. When you are blessed to call someone friend, mom, husband, etc it is an experience not a literal possession. In knowing this, humans do humanistic things... don’t take everything to heart. Everything changed once I stopped holding onto people because of history and started holding onto people because of purpose. I am here to tell you, if you are not serving yourself peace in a relationship, do not stay because of the amount of time. Who cares? Ultimately you are fighting to remain friends and in return you are being a poor friend to yourself. People disappoint us when we have assigned them a role in our minds that they never agreed to play. Take time, examine your friendships, examine your role in them, adjust accordingly and show gratitude where it is due. I am grateful for all of the poor friendships that I participated in. While I could’ve spent my energy on something else, it taught me lessons and built character… hopefully for both parties. No one wants to be a Molly forever!!! One of my girls once said, “the world would be a better place if people can communicate properly”. That statement couldn’t be more true. What have you learned about friendships over the years? Drop gems below to carry on in life.
I’ll end with this one: Reciprocal friendships are necessary.